The Voice Within: Wisdom from my Grandmother

Be.

“But what is your spirit telling you?”

There I was, sharing my story of heartbreak with my grandmother, hoping she would shed some wisdom on my life. And she hits me with this question, “But what is your spirit telling you?”
I’ve never been asked that question before. I sat there in silence. I started to talk about my heart. “Yes Rae, but your heart can be swayed. Our hearts may feel one thing, but our spirit is what truly speaks to us.” As she did shed her wisdom during that conversation, I couldn’t help but replay that question in my head that whole day.

Still.

“But what is your spirit telling you?”

In search of the answer to that question, I decided to rid myself of all distractions, which came down to television, my phone, the radio, and my apartment. A friend of mine called up and we decided to hit the road. I had no expectations of what to do or see. I just wanted to be. We took a 4 hour round trip sharing life, laughs, and quietness. We hopped in and out at small towns with mountainous views, snapping pics, and feeling the waves (heat waves that is). I laughed as loud as I wanted to. Sat in silence when I needed to. Took as many pictures as my phone allowed. It was like we were journeying west, moving onward.

And listen.

On the way back home, I realized the feeling I had been missing. The feeling of being unapologetically myself. Free.

I prayed hard that night and poured my hear out. I wanted, NEEDED to hear God’s voice. And then the question whispered to me once more.

This time I knew my response, but I was afraid to answer.

I whispered to my heart, “You can do this. This time is for you. You must let go.”

Sometimes we don’t realize the answer to our question is there all along. Sometimes we must go deep within. Reconnect with spirit. It won’t come easy, but when you finally feel it. You know.

Be still, & listen.

Guard Your Heart

There I sat, on my bed, once again…in tears. The rush of emotions and feelings on top of the deadlines approaching, seemed to pile on all at once. And now there’s one more thing to add! The end of a relationship. I sat in confusion over how the whole day spiraled down and the last thing I said in the midst of my frustration, “You don’t appreciate me or what I do. I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t feel valued. I don’t feel appreciated.” The rush of emotions flooded my mind. Did I really mean to?

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Death Valley National Park & Goldwell Open Air Museum Nevada, USA

I believe this has been the hardest lesson for me to learn, guarding my heart. Letting go of people and things that are no good for my soul. I forgive over and over and over. My heart tells me, people deserve many chances, as you have been given many chances in life too. Even this time, I offered to try again and knew deep down, I shouldn’t have. Some of you are probably saying, “You should’ve known.” But is that truly the response we give to someone who is learning, living, and loving?

I’m flawed.
I’m still lovable.
I’m still deserving.
I’m still worthy.
All of those put together make me beautiful.

IMG_0241This time was different. I didn’t choose to see all of his faults. Parts of us fit together so perfectly. This was our second time giving “us” a try. But when situations happened and I was deeply hurt, it’s like the pain was never truly healed and trust was lost. But I was told to “carry on” and “it’ll pass when you choose” without ever truly having the time to. I allowed pieces of me to be damaged by his emotional struggles. I ignored my own needs, wants, and boundaries. In order to make him feel better about himself, I started to let go of pieces of me. My passions, my creativity, my character, my heart. I realize he didn’t protect my heart with gentleness and care, yet I still stayed. It was those damaged pieces of the puzzle, which made it hard for us to reconnect. I felt like I couldn’t express my hurt freely and over the past few months of being all bottled up and not heard, I released.

IMG_0247I wasn’t crying about the relationship ending. I cried because of those final words. I cried because I finally released every feeling I had held inside. As the rush of emotions continued on, a feeling crept up inside me. A feeling I never felt before: GUILT. I could go on and on into detail about this story, but the story is not what I care for you to know…It’s the lesson.

“Above all things, guard your heart. For everything you do, flows from it.” -Proverbs 4:23

IMG_0245We must not change the parts of ourselves that we hold so dearly. We must love ourselves so passionately, that if someone comes along to try and diminish that love we have of ourselves, we immediately block that negativity from our hearts. I allowed my heart to be hurt and did nothing about it. That’s where the guilt came from. Knowing how much I once took care of myself and protected myself, but not doing anything this time. I don’t want that for you. I’m no longer allowing that for me. You know? The guilt. We can recognize how we are responsible for the hurt, but we must forgive ourselves in order to move forward.

Whether it be the audition we didn’t go on because we heard someone else “better” was going to be there, so we talked ourselves down and out of it. The negative comment someone made about something you worked really hard on. The fear of moving somewhere or traveling to a different place because we’re told we will be lonely. The diet we don’t do such a great job of sticking to. Perhaps, like me, allowing people who do not deserve to feel our light, throw their shade. This time I’m laying the hurt and pain out on the table, praying for strength and patience as I am going through the healing process because now is the time. Now is the time to love me. Now is the time to heal my wounds. Now is the time to honor my space.

We all have something we can do, in order to better protect our hearts and guard our love, as this is a must.

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The Golden 3: Letting Go

I’m a firm believer in self-reflection on who I am as a person. Inside and out. There are many areas in our life that we can work on. I say “we” because I am included and far from perfect. But imagine if we continue to better ourselves and progress in our daily lives. Oh how our world could change! This summer I’m letting go of 3 things.

1. Shopping apps and email subscriptions.

I tend to check my email a lot. So much, in fact, my boyfriend asked me to check them later one day. There’s nothing important in those emails. Nothing but stores promoting their weekend and holiday sales. Which make me spend my money. I know, I know. I could just not go to those stores, but I’m still working on that. And this is the first step. Give me time…lol.

2. Numbers in my phone that are never used.

You know what numbers I’m talking about. The contacts of people from high school, who you run into. You say you’re going to meet up “soon” and three years later neither one of you have called. Don’t forget about that person whose number you keep ‘just in case.’ Letting them all go! “New phone. Who dis?”

3. Two -words “What if?”

I’ve asked myself this question quite a few times over the past few months. Truth is, I should not focus on the “what-if.” It either did or it didn’t. The present is what’s important today. Being focused on the ‘now’ allows us to minimize distractions in our lives. We are able to decrease worry and sadness over false ideas.

I hope these three things I’m letting go of, allow me to save money and time.

Are you letting go of anything this summer? Share by dropping a comment below.

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The Golden 3: 3 Ways to Pull Yourself Up

 

3 Ways to Pull Yourself Up this Week

This post serves as a pleasant reminder to myself: to do things for myself that I should do, before I need to do them. My mood hasn’t been the best lately. We all have our struggles, whether they be little or big. But, I’m not going to let the mood stick. Today, and everyday, I must choose JOY! My mother always says, “Go there, but don’t stay there.” It’s about time I take her advice and climb out of the rut I’ve been feeling. So today I’m sharing my The Golden 3: 3 Ways to Pull Yourself Up and maybe they’ll come to help you too.

A Delicious Dinner 

Nothing compares to a good meal at the end of a rough day. Typically, I like to try a new restaurant. This week, I plan to try cooking a new recipe.

Private Dance Party

It may sound a little crazy. But it’s really not. Follow these 5 simple steps to DANCE IT OUT!

  1. Head to the living room.
  2. Turn it up on your favorite jams.
  3. Grab your microphone (or spatula).
  4. Let the music hit your soul.
  5. DANCE IT OUT!!

Be Still.

Finding a moment of peace is one of my best ways to pull myself out of a rut. During this time I like to reflect by writing in my journal, completing a Bible plan, reading a book, or simply laying in silence to the sound of a meditation series.

Overall, today is already looking up for me. And if you’ve found yourself to stumble across this post because you needed some ideas to help you get out of your rut, hopefully you’d give these a try.

What do you do to shift your mood? Share by commenting below.